How to Overcome Shyness

Shyness is not necessarily a problem. However, in some situations it can prevent the person from having free social interactions or doing things they want to do. If shyness is becoming a problem for you, there are many things you can try to overcome shyness in certain situations.

However, before discussing how to overcome it, we need to define shyness.

Shyness can be defined as a tendency to feel awkward, nervous, worried or tense in social situations. Shyness usually intensifies when the social encounter involves strangers. Some people can feel physical symptoms of shyness such as blushing, sweating, feeling nauseous or having an increased heart rate. Other symptoms may include negative feelings and thoughts about themselves, as well as increased worry over what others are thinking and feeling. Shyness can make some people avoid social interactions, especially if it is very strong case.

We all feel shyness at some point, however, for some, it becomes a constant companion in social interactions. Sometimes, shyness can lead to a vicious circle of sorts. The person feels nervous and inhibited, so their social encounter feels more awkward. This reinforces their negative ideas about themselves and causes them many negative feelings. So the next time the person is in a social situation, they feel an increased shyness that can lead to repeating the circle.

However, shyness is something that can be overcome, and here are a few ideas that can help you do it.

First of all, you will need to do a little self-reflection. You will need to figure out the situations where you mostly feel shy. Is it when you meet new people? Is is when you feel pressured to come off in a certain way (cool, smart, funny, etc.)? Is it around people you like or people you dislike? Once you've figured out the situations or factors that trigger you shyness, you can focus specifically on working with these situations.

After this, you need to examine the ideas that come into your head when you are in those situations. For instance, when you meet new people, maybe you think that they are judging you in a negative way or that you absolutely need to make a perfect first impression. Once you've discover this idea, question it. Why do you think that people are judging you negatively? You're not a mind reader to know what they're thinking. Even if they do, why does it matter? What makes their opinion so important?

Quite often, the ideas that are behind shyness are irrational. However, we tend to see them as real. This inspires worry and fear, so by questioning these ideas, you can help yourself feel more confident.

Once you've considered the thoughts behind your shyness, you can start to work with it.

There's no need to start big. You can practice with small social interactions in situations where you feel more comfortable. There are many simple ways to do this. You can ask for help from a salesperson, ask for directions, offer assistance to a stranger and so on. These are situations where you won't have to interact with the other person for long, but you can get a positive response to what you say or do. Starting small will help you build confidence to face bigger social situations. 

Preparation is key. Preparation can help you feel more secure before an interaction. If you have a phone call or a meeting, you can try and rehearse what you are going to say before you do. For example, you can write down several ideas you have and practice them before a mirror. Of course, a conversation rarely will follow a script, but even for a social encounter, you can come up with several conversation topics and replies to certain questions you can expect. For many situations, you can wait until you feel prepared enough before going in, so take advantage of that.

Preparation doesn't apply only to your words. You can work on your body language too. Before a social situation, there are two things you can do. You can adopt a confident posture, and you can smile. While it may not feel natural, keeping the posture and the smile tricks your brain into thinking in a more positive and confident manner. The smile usually improves your mood. You just need to keep it for a couple of minutes before it begins to feel more natural.

During the social event you shouldn't be too self-conscious. This usually contributes to your shyness. However, you can try to self-monitor. This refers to looking out for different thoughts and behaviors. We have already mentioned that you need to watch out for negative thoughts, but you can also watch out for nervous gestures and postures. If you notice your posture is showing nervousness, change it. This will help you feel less shy and give your confidence a boost. 

Once you are in a social situation, you may tend too pay too much attention to yourself. You are too focused on how others are perceiving you, so that can make you feel more inhibited and less natural.

The way to deal with this is to change focus. You can do this by being empathetic. Focus on the other people in the room or the person you are talking with. When we feel compassion or sympathy for others, we devote our inner resources to understanding them and listening to them. This helps us act in an empathetic manner, while not being focused on what we do. This is a good tip to become less painfully aware of yourself and be more natural. It also has the added advantage of making you a better listener who is more engaged in the conversation.

In conclusion, there are a lot of strategies you can use to overcome your shyness. You need to start with learning more about yourself and your problem before moving on to the practical part. These strategies can be applied to different situations, although some of them require practice. For instance, if you make a habit of monitoring your negative thoughts, with time it becomes much easier. In general, you can always overcome your shyness if it's becoming a problem that is keeping you from leading a healthy social life or affects you in other ways.